just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
