I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
