Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
