i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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