operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
