remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
