What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
