it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
