Umm I'm too high to move.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
