I love black thongs
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The air taste purple.
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