Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
