I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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