Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
