I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
