if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
