I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
