I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
