My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
