Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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