Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
