dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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