My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
