well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
