Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
