Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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