You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
