I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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