How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Alive.
So much puke
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
