I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
