he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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