I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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