You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
