Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
