Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
