I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
