my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
