I think im going to throw up on grandma
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
