when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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