I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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