lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
