You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
