I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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