Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
