Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
