would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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