Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
