it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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