I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
