The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
