I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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