you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
